Growing Through Conflict

[intro]Conflict in relationships is inevitable. When imperfect and flawed people (us) interact and live in genuine and healthy community, we shouldn’t be surprised at all by its existence. We can either seek to resolve it and grow through it or we can ignore it and live with the chaos it creates.[/intro]

Whenever people are growing and developing meaningful relationships, it is completely normal to experience some conflict. Sooner or later, every life relationship will experience conflict of some sort. We often take great pains to avoid it or maneuver around it. However, the reality is that it will take place as we grow in our relationships. Ignoring it, pretending that it isn’t happening, or allowing it to hinder our relationships is not healthy—or practical. As we learn to handle conflict Biblically and effectively, our relationships will not only grow closer, but we learn better ways of dealing with the uncomfortable issues that people face every day.

So, the bad news is, conflict is an inevitable part of any successful relationship. The good news is, conflict in relationships can be managed and addressed effectively by us and can strengthen our relationships.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

Disagreements, different views, various personalities, and a plethora of other issues can often cause relational sparks to fly, but the end result—if dealt with properly –is growth in our walk with God. We need others to sharpen us—and they need us to sharpen them. It is not always fun nor is it easy, but if we can learn to deal with the interpersonal conflict we experience with each other—we will all grow in our love for one another and for God. Look at what it says in Ephesians:

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love [making allowance for each other’s faults-NLT], being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all through all and in all.

Ephesians 4:1-6

As Christ followers, we already are united with each other, and we are told to work hard at maintaining this unity. We do so by “making allowance for each other’s faults.” It is no surprise at all that each of us has a boatload of faults, weaknesses, and areas in our lives that we need others to accept, be patient with and also seek to help us grow in. We owe it to God and to each other to preserve this unity we have through the Holy Spirit. It takes work, commitment, and love to do so, and also requires lovingly forbearing and honestly addressing issues that need Biblical change in our lives.

Here are some suggestions to help you learn to deal with conflict successfully:

1. Don’t avoid it. Address it sooner than later. Don’t allow the issue to brood and fester.
2. Don’t make big deals about little issues. Help individuals extend the same forbearance and acceptance to others that they would choose to have extended to them.
3. Address the conflict privately and personally, and not via email!
4. Affirm the relationships and value love and acceptance of each other.
5. Make observations and avoid accusations. Be direct and firm, but kind.

We should strive to demonstrate forbearance when we simply need to accept the faults of others and let those issues go, but also be committed to being directive and assertive when we need to confront an issue and work through it with them Biblically. The benefits of growing relationally with each other and focusing on growing Biblically through conflict is not just an option. It is a choice we must make to allow the truth of the Gospel to be lived out each and every day. The work that God has given us in accomplishing His mission to the world demands it.

Image Credit: Blasius Kawalkowski